The events of today mean that I may be in Japan for longer than I expected. And that means it will be longer until I write up what happened here. So for the moment it's time for something completely different. I wrote this at the time but never got around to publishing it. This is what happened on the ferry between Italy and Greece.
First, the players.
Matt, me. Obviously
Useless Steward - Steward on the ship who seems to spend all of his money on hair products.
Fat Guy In Charge - Steward on the ship who seems to spend all of his money on pies. Significantly more competent than Useless Steward.
Helpful Steward - Steward on the ship who gets ordered about a lot but is good at what he does.
Angry Russian Guy - A Russian guy. Usually angry. Married to English Woman.
English Woman - Slightly spaced out, well spoken, married to Angry Russian Guy.
Ignored Australian Guy - Another passenger who gets ignored a lot.
When I booked the ferry I reserved a berth in a shared cabin. But when I went to check in they had accidentally given my bed away to someone else (I never found out where I was meant to be). So they gave me a key to another room and Useless Steward took me up. He opened the door to a room which appeared to have had someone living in it for several years. Not that it was messy (it was), but everything was unpacked. There were several suitcases in the centre of the room. A couple of things lead me to believe that I had been just been shown to female cabin, but equally well there was mens clothing lying around so I didn't say anything.
The top two bunks were still folded away and the bottom two had clearly already had someone in them. Even though he knew that there were already two people in the room US indicated that I should take one of the lower bunks and promptly disappeared. I wandered off for a bit.
Later on I returned to the cabin and let myself in. One of the suitcases had been moved behind the door so it only opened half way. As I looked around English Woman sat bolt upright in the bed.
EW: Hello?
M: Uh, hi. Wasn't quite expecting that.
EW: What do you want?
M: This is my room. I think. Thought. It's meant to be a male cabin though.
EW (half asleep): Huh, what...?
M: They have given me the wrong key. Sorry about that, I'll sort it out.
So I went back to reception to sort it out.
M: Hi, there is a problem with my cabin. I have been given the key to a female room.
US: A female room? Let me see the number
I showed him the key
US: No that is a male room.
M: No it isn't. I've just walked in on a woman asleep. She wasn't too happy. I need to move to a different cabin.
US: No, that number is a male cabin. Here, I show you.
So US insisted on going back up to the room and banging on the door until EW opened it.
EW: What now?
US: Can I see your tickets please?
EW: Yes. This is our room. We paid for the whole thing and asked not to share with anyone.
US: This is a four berth cabin.
EW: It is just me and my husband in here. That is what we asked for.
And then Angry Russian Guy (who I didn't know was there) rose from his slumber.
ARG: Look, we paid for the whole room, it is just the two of us. We paid full bloody price for this. It is your mistake. Go away.
US: Do you have any more tickets?
EW: No
Without saying another word US turned and ran away, taking EW and ARGs tickets with him. Not really knowing what to do I followed suit.
Back downstairs US went to fetch Fat Guy In Charge. They shouted at each other for a bit. Eventually the shouting stopped. I think FGIC won.
For the next 10 minutes US did nothing but stare at the manifest. He must have read every name and ticket number on there at least 20 times. He didn't look up, he definitely didn't try to say anything to me. He just scanned up and down the paper trying to appear like he was doing something.
Ignored Australian Guy walks up to the desk and stands around for several minutes trying to attract attention. US finally works up the courage to look up.
IAG: Hi, it's 6:30 now, what time doe....
Bad timing, IAG. FGIC has just returned for round 2 of the shouting match with US.
When it dies down...
IAG: Excuse me, I just want to know whe....
Everybody stops this time. EW and ARG have arrived at reception, found FGIC and are having their own shouting match, a shouting match that can only be compared to a nuclear holocaust. This was pretty much the best entertainment I had never paid for. But the best bit was when ARG shouted about the strange person (me) who broke into his room without any effort (I had the key), didn't speak English (I am English) and left without apologising (I did apologise, very clearly). Every couple of sentences FGIC would turn around and bark what I assume were Greek insults at US, who was desperately trying to make himself invisible. IAG and all the other passengers were just standing around with bemused looks on their faces. I was having to try really hard not to completely crack up.
Helpful Steward appears out of nowhere and hurries me away to a new room. We open the door to find the Grecian Incredible Hulk asleep on the bed. He wakes up and looks very unimpressed as HS unlocks the top bunk and lowers it.
HS: Bye
And he vanishes into thin air.
I think I'm going to enjoy Greece.
First, the players.
Matt, me. Obviously
Useless Steward - Steward on the ship who seems to spend all of his money on hair products.
Fat Guy In Charge - Steward on the ship who seems to spend all of his money on pies. Significantly more competent than Useless Steward.
Helpful Steward - Steward on the ship who gets ordered about a lot but is good at what he does.
Angry Russian Guy - A Russian guy. Usually angry. Married to English Woman.
English Woman - Slightly spaced out, well spoken, married to Angry Russian Guy.
Ignored Australian Guy - Another passenger who gets ignored a lot.
When I booked the ferry I reserved a berth in a shared cabin. But when I went to check in they had accidentally given my bed away to someone else (I never found out where I was meant to be). So they gave me a key to another room and Useless Steward took me up. He opened the door to a room which appeared to have had someone living in it for several years. Not that it was messy (it was), but everything was unpacked. There were several suitcases in the centre of the room. A couple of things lead me to believe that I had been just been shown to female cabin, but equally well there was mens clothing lying around so I didn't say anything.
The top two bunks were still folded away and the bottom two had clearly already had someone in them. Even though he knew that there were already two people in the room US indicated that I should take one of the lower bunks and promptly disappeared. I wandered off for a bit.
Later on I returned to the cabin and let myself in. One of the suitcases had been moved behind the door so it only opened half way. As I looked around English Woman sat bolt upright in the bed.
EW: Hello?
M: Uh, hi. Wasn't quite expecting that.
EW: What do you want?
M: This is my room. I think. Thought. It's meant to be a male cabin though.
EW (half asleep): Huh, what...?
M: They have given me the wrong key. Sorry about that, I'll sort it out.
So I went back to reception to sort it out.
M: Hi, there is a problem with my cabin. I have been given the key to a female room.
US: A female room? Let me see the number
I showed him the key
US: No that is a male room.
M: No it isn't. I've just walked in on a woman asleep. She wasn't too happy. I need to move to a different cabin.
US: No, that number is a male cabin. Here, I show you.
So US insisted on going back up to the room and banging on the door until EW opened it.
EW: What now?
US: Can I see your tickets please?
EW: Yes. This is our room. We paid for the whole thing and asked not to share with anyone.
US: This is a four berth cabin.
EW: It is just me and my husband in here. That is what we asked for.
And then Angry Russian Guy (who I didn't know was there) rose from his slumber.
ARG: Look, we paid for the whole room, it is just the two of us. We paid full bloody price for this. It is your mistake. Go away.
US: Do you have any more tickets?
EW: No
Without saying another word US turned and ran away, taking EW and ARGs tickets with him. Not really knowing what to do I followed suit.
Back downstairs US went to fetch Fat Guy In Charge. They shouted at each other for a bit. Eventually the shouting stopped. I think FGIC won.
For the next 10 minutes US did nothing but stare at the manifest. He must have read every name and ticket number on there at least 20 times. He didn't look up, he definitely didn't try to say anything to me. He just scanned up and down the paper trying to appear like he was doing something.
Ignored Australian Guy walks up to the desk and stands around for several minutes trying to attract attention. US finally works up the courage to look up.
IAG: Hi, it's 6:30 now, what time doe....
Bad timing, IAG. FGIC has just returned for round 2 of the shouting match with US.
When it dies down...
IAG: Excuse me, I just want to know whe....
Everybody stops this time. EW and ARG have arrived at reception, found FGIC and are having their own shouting match, a shouting match that can only be compared to a nuclear holocaust. This was pretty much the best entertainment I had never paid for. But the best bit was when ARG shouted about the strange person (me) who broke into his room without any effort (I had the key), didn't speak English (I am English) and left without apologising (I did apologise, very clearly). Every couple of sentences FGIC would turn around and bark what I assume were Greek insults at US, who was desperately trying to make himself invisible. IAG and all the other passengers were just standing around with bemused looks on their faces. I was having to try really hard not to completely crack up.
Helpful Steward appears out of nowhere and hurries me away to a new room. We open the door to find the Grecian Incredible Hulk asleep on the bed. He wakes up and looks very unimpressed as HS unlocks the top bunk and lowers it.
HS: Bye
And he vanishes into thin air.
I think I'm going to enjoy Greece.
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